Letter to Bridget Whelan, Montréal, April 11th, 1869
“Hell is a local concern. Don’t banish your enemies to prisons when a self-sustaining hell looms around each corner. It’s stronger than iron bars, a more effective punishment than torture. With enough flattery to sustain the thirsty ego of a cretin, your enemies can live out a punishing life sentence of local concern. In French culture it is “le malheur du p’tit village” the misery of tiny village life, a cursed state of dead end delusion. Consider an audience of worthless backwater halfwits. Like a cloying tide they’ll engulf your enemy with fawning attention and praise. It’s a horror equal to sea worms dismantling the drowned carcas of a cow. Look away fair Lady. Keep a safe distance from your victim once entrapped by this particular honey. Avert your eyes as they languish in little Timmy’s inoperable tumour telethon and church bake sale. Say a prayer when you behold the endless parade of mediocre local talent they must now celebrate and cajole as treasures. Get ye behind me red carpet guest of honour! Curse their organ grinder monkey and its carved ivory squeezebox!
Some say a life of local concern is too cruel a prison and exceptionally inhumane but, is any punishment truly too strong for them? These self-congratulating cuckoos of legitimacy so eagerly believe themselves untouchable. These Philistines don’t even speak French…” one gentleman remarked. It may reveal why this prison works best on the shamelessly untalented. Long ago we called them milliners, now they’re self-declared photographers synthesizing talent by the same point-and-click rabbit glue assemblage. Locals eat it up! How else would these myopic malfeasants ignore the rounding walls of the local concern abattoir? If they had culture they’d immediately seek to escape. If they had talent they would feel the pinch of this cruel bear trap but, they don’t even struggle.
Your enemies will in fact enjoy their marooning and congratulate each other daily. Your worthless enemy can remain, stunted and defanged by a minor investment in time. Call in a favour or merely plant the seed during polite conversation. Get your enemies the local concern job of their dreams m’dear. You will not regret the peace of mind.”
Yours truly,
Archives of Captain Fraser, The Devon Project
Stanislas Brewer
Fredericton, New Brunswick
University of New Brunswick – 2023 – ISBN 10: 0140180907
