I’m an exhausted haruspex in the hallway of winter. Before any significant American election, these are the darkest nights. Winged messengers fly backwards and burst into flames along the gloaming. Deep dark forests lean as if straining to listen for the latest polling news. This is happening. The spleens are dark. The livers are pale. The bones melt between our fingers. There is no longer any doubt. We could sacrifice a thousand more toads and the outcome would be the same. The Harambe timeline is still in full effect and the loop is closing.
The term of crucible is over. The subject Trump has survived and now becomes Death cheater. He is the middle finger of a five-fingered hand. He assembles: a faithful former enemy, a soldier nun, an unfortunate son and a mad billionaire rocket scientist – the covenant is locked. If these ingredients had not been enough to satisfy the gods, what could possibly have done the trick? In the end a squirrel has the final word. Political enemies have conspired to murder P’nut the celebrity MAGA squirrel and his raccoon brother Fred. The Harembe effect will now send this universe sideways. This time mourners won’t write-in P’nut and shift an election outcome. This time, they’ll simply vote for Trump.
Ironically the Malthusian shooter James J. Lee delivered the final hint of this timeline in his 2010 manifesto. His oddly affirmative line -“And, of course, the Squirrels.” now makes perfect sense. When we gather as haruspex to compare notes, we always delight in these tiny hidden veins. We’ve all flirted with AI to replace the entrails. In the dark I watched an AI video modulator digest Techno Viking as he fell in-love with Fritz Lang’s maschinenmensch Parody. Together they ruled the universe in memory of P’nut. P’nut was like the star of a portent silicon chip MDMA trip, delivered by hapless algorithmic vision – a zeitgeist lightning bolt – a pre-election gold nugget found deeply lodged within a seagull gizzard.
The news is difficult to swallow but Luv put it best – “You cannot hold the tide with a broom”. Drink until drunk, drug until numb, polish up your will and make late dinner plans because the inertia is in the pipe for Trump. The outrage experienced by the MAGA squirrel-loving universe will drive the last few holdouts to vote. The oracle Coulter has already voted for Trump. She did not vote for him in 2020 but this time, she had no doubt. She cautioned that anyone on the fence should do the same – if only to keep him from running again in the waning crescent moon of the ides of March in 2028.
As haruspex and dark whisperer of wildlife I will further caution that in 2025 (the year of the snake) it’s always easier to feed an apple to a determined animal than to make him (or his voters) take it from you.
