Language is like a fork in the eye when it’s wielded by numbskulls. These days I’m often thankful that George Carlin is dead. The excruciating daily grind of laundered language politics would have surely driven him to suicide. He hated the careful massaging of words and the sloganeering inaction of refurbished terminology. Someone mentioned “post-anthropocene veganism” a while back and I couldn’t help but laugh. This week it was especially clear that “confusion” has replaced any reference to anger in the media, so I’ve begun a minor translation collection:
- -“We found we had to pivot…” means -“Mired in bullshit, we’re trying new bullshit.”
- -“We anticipate a pivot…” means -“We’re taking credit for inevitable change.”
- -“We’re moving forward.” means -“Fuck you, we’re not taking responsibility for this.”
- -“We’d like to move forward.” means -“Shut up about this, we’re not taking responsibility for it.”
- -“We take full responsibility.” means -“We said the right words, now change the subject.”
- -“We want to be pro-active.” means -“We only take action if it serves our interests.”
- -“There’s confusion.” means -“There’s anger. We lack the courage to call it anger.”
- -“Help me clear this up.” means -“Here’s another chance to get your shit straight.”
- -“This is not appropriate.” means -“I depend on social convention to protect me from reality.”
- -“It’s a real game-changer.” means -“I have a small penis.”
